Limerick Idol

Every Thursday I go bowling. I'm not very good, although I did bowl a 201 last night. But, for frame of reference, it was my best game ever by a lot. Since I bowl every Thursday, I always miss the American Idol results. I can't quit watching (and blogging about) American Idol, but I've always pretty much detested the results shows. I just want to know who won.

So every week I ask my twitter friends to DM me the results after the show is over. In return I offer eternal friendship, praise, devotion. This week the offer was a limerick for anyone who would let me know what happened. A bunch of people let me know what happened. Here are their limericks:

Emily (@ek_go on her birthday, no less)
There once was a girl on her birthday
Who wondered how much would her mirth weigh?
She put it on scales,
And it outweighed six whales,
So she partied like crazy 'til Earth Day

Justin (@bito31)
There once was an hombre named Justin.
For a World Series win, he was lustin'.
He couldn't quite quit it,
But if the Cubs ever did it,
Then his head just might end up combustin'.

Katy (@swedishpancake)
There once was a pancake from Sweden
That looked far too sweet to be eaten.
It was whipped up by fairies
With fresh lingonberries,
So save it for Katy or get beaten.

Amy (@AmyL36)
I wanted an update on Idol,
Because knowing who's booted is vital.
Amy graciously told
While I tweeted and bowled,
Hence this lim'rick to which she's entitled.

Anthony (@Tony2358)
In Brookfield there lives this dude Tony,
Who hates everyone with a pony.
It's a Seinfeld joke, get it?
If you don't, just forget it.
Do you smell what I'm cookin', Jabroni?

I was really running out of ideas near the end. I'm thankful for everyone's help, but I'm also pretty glad more people didn't take me up on the offer.

Turk Hates Tuesdays

You said it, Turk. You said it.

Donald Faison hates Tuesdays. I assume if you're here you know that a) Donald Faison played Christopher Turk on Scrubs, b) I love Scrubs, and c) I hate Tuesdays. Okay, I don't exactly assume you know all those things or I wouldn't have mentioned them. I wouldn't even be typing anything in this space. I'd just post the picture and be done with it. I suppose a and b don't need explaining, so I'll bring you up to speed on the suckiness of Tuesdays.

Mondays are rough because everyone in the world is extra tired on Mondays—but that's also what makes the day survivable. Monday is a groggy day. The average person doesn't achieve full consciousness on a Monday until 4:30 in the afternoon. You're left with some vague recollection of rolling out of bed, eating something, doing something, complaining about something . . . and then it's over. When Tuesday hits, you're still tired, but you're awake for it. The haze is replaced by a headache. The to-do list you ignored Monday has grown longer, and the week doesn't appear any shorter.

Hence, Tuesdays suck twice as bad as Mondays.

The fact that Donald Faison feels the same way makes me feel like J.D. Don't make me explain why that's a big deal.

Ten Things to Like about Twitter

It's been so long since I started making this list of 10 Things to Like about Twitter, I forgot to list them all in one top ten list. But to call this a top ten is a misnomer. It's hardly the definitive 10 best things about Twitter. I haven't even touched on the commercial possibilities Twitter presents, the potential for social change, or anything all that much bigger than my own private Twittersphere.

That's the point, really. This is my list. These are 10 things you should like because I like them. If you're an experienced tweetist, you may hate some of them. If you're new to Twitter . . . you might hate some of them. But I like 'em. Humor me.

I guess I should also preface this with a brief tutorial. If you want to partake in the Twitterfest, it's really not hard, far simpler than Facebook or just about anything else you could do online. Twitter is a place (or a method) for updating and getting updates on anything or anyone. To get started, just go to Twitter.com, browse, sign up, go to my page, and click "Follow." Alright, this is a long preface. Here's the 10 Things I Like about Twitter:

10. Trends. When a topic gets tweeted a lot, the keywords show up at various places on Twitter (the home page, the sidebar). You can find out what people are talking about almost as soon as they start talking about them.

9. Hashtags. That's Twitterese for putting a # in front of your update's (or tweet's) keyword, so you can easily find tweets about the same thing. It's more useful (and less confusing) than it sounds.

8. No Commitment. You don't have to read everything your friends, followers, or followees post. You don't have to join groups, causes, or drawn-out comment threads. It's light, casual . . . we're just friends with twitterfits. That was terrible.

7. The Return of Editing. You only have 140 characters, and everybody can read it. You best clean up your spelling and grammar, there, kid.

6. Twt.fm. And other easily postable links to the music of the moment. If a song is stuck in your head, why shouldn't you lure some unsuspecting soul to wallow/revel in it.

5. No Computer Necessary. Most Internet experiences get a serious downgrade when you switch to mobile. Twitter was made for mobile. You don't have to live like a nerd to get your geek on.

4. Anyone Can Do It. Kelso from That 70's Show is the Twitter king. If you can't at least get started . . . okay, there's no then statement. You can at least get started.

3. We, Not They. Twitter users determine what reigns on Twitter. Not The Media. Not The Government. Not The Corporate World. It's ours, people. We have no one to blame but us.

2. Conversation. I like to think Twitter is just one big conversation. It's in the moment. Blogging is more of a journal for posterity. Twitter doesn't wait around that long. Twitter is now. Twitter is a party to which everyone is invited, everyone can hear (almost) everything anyone is saying, and it's real easy to sneak away.

1. Words. In a world of video, images, CGI wizardry, Twitter is governed by the almighty word. Thank God.

Things to Like about Twitter: #1 Words

Yes, there are links and myriad technological innovations. Yes, there are avatars and background wallpaper images. But the main course at the Twitter table is the written (or typed or texted or however it arrives on screen) word.

It's kind of fun to track how the evolution of communication technology brought us to the age of Twitter. The Phoenician alphabet, the Chinese invention of paper, Gutenberg's printing press all collaborated in the industry of putting words on paper for the masses to read in portable, reproducible fashion. Then people found ways to reproduce and record more than just words. With the photograph, the microphone, the telegraph, Morse code, the typewriter, the phonograph, the camera, the telephone, radio, motion pictures, television, tape recorders, and transistor radios, electronic media could capture and deliver codes, sounds, and images. We could communicate with color and volume and inflection. Words were just one weapon in an arsenal of long-distance, timeless messaging. Then computers, the Internet, email, cell phones, and the ability to shrink infinite data into infinitesimal compartments opened up an entirely new world of communication.

The cell phone became a mass media world of its own. In a box the size and weight of a deck of cards, we hold our photos, music, telephone, television, movies, Internet, email, cameras, video cameras, planners, news sources, calculators, athletic trainers, video games, GPS navigators, road maps, restaurant finders, sniper rifle cross-hairs, fashion statements, and who knows what else.

And with all that—given the world of entertainment, diversions, and applications with which our cell phones are equipped to delight us—the grandest sensation that is blowing everybody away consists essentially of sending and receiving strings of 140 letters, numbers, and symbols.

We could be stimulated, intoxicated, or carried adrift by the tumult of mindblowing displays of technological genius. But millions of people are captivated instead, once again, by the mere exchange of words.

Twitter is ticker tape on steroids, the telegraph for dummies. It's a bunch of words flying around the world, getting caught in the Internets, and I absolutely love it for that.

Previous: #2 Conversations | Follow Me on Twitter |

Things to Like about Twitter: #2 Conversation

Twitter is basically a bunch of people talking on the Internet. That's it. Ignore the hooey about the question, "What are you doing?" Tweets do occasionally take that form, but people type whatever they want into their 140-character containers. Twitter is really just one gigantic conversation.

That's the beautiful simplicity of it. Whether by phone, by Web, by Twitter app, or by the plain old Twitter home page, Twitter is just a single silo of tweets. The gross complexity of it is that it's also a billion random tiny conversations that can be categorized, searched, hash-tagged, nested (on Tweetboards), replied to, sent privately and directly, posted for all the world to see, linked through, linked to, deleted, and retweeted (RT). It is equal parts organized and chaotic.

It's like a party where all the Jesus people, atheists, anal-retentives, pack rats, control freaks, free-thinking hippies, slobs, nerds, geeks, preps, righteous dudes, Ferris lovers, school administrators, Scrabble lovers, Harley riders, sellers, buyers, poets, dreamers, hummers, and screamers are all invited. You can get advice, inspiration, laughs, alerts, pictures, stories, summaries, games, tech news, good news, bad news, fake news, and stuff you didn't know about Argentinian airlines.

Or, you can just check in on how your friends are doing.

This is a big revelation, especially for Facebook users who try to read all their friends' updates and are expecting more of the same from Twitter. Like any place where conversations are being held, you can listen in, speak up, and/or ignore to your heart's content. You can catch up on practically any thread you please, but you needn't.

On the other hand, if you are planning on revealing the deepest, most guarded treasures of your very soul to everyone you hold dear as a kindred spirit . . . Twitter might not be the way to go. I mean, feel free to tweet your heart out, but recognize that you're probably talking with only those people who are listening at the time; you can't expect everyone who has ever heard your voice to hang on your every word.

Still, the twitting and tweeting has more permanence than a normal chat at a dinner party. People in Iran can actually hear you talking about Iran. You can selectively eavesdrop on almost anything. You can bend your ear toward whatever whispers you want.

But when it comes right down to it, it's just a lot of people talking.

Previous: #3 We, Not They | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #1 Words

Things to Like about Twitter: #3 We, Not They

When the 10:00 news leads with a story about Drew Peterson and Rod Blagojevich's secret gay marriage on the set of The Hills, our typical reaction is, "Why do they put junk like this on television?" And usually, the answer comes back, "Because they know that's what people will watch."

That's just the way the media business works. News. Entertainment. Newsertainment. PBS. They are all in the business of publishing/airing what they think we will want to consume. Of course, when we don't approve of what they are broadcasting, we separate ourselves from the intended audience with the term those people. Because we aren't those people, we have higher standards. It is they who are in control of the content who truly decide what we can read, view, and hear.

With Twitter, though, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Twitter is media without the control of business. It is still open for business, and corporate entities definitely can influence which way the twind blows. But they can't control it.

A look at Twitter's trending topics at the moment reveals a widespread interest in Michael Jackson and Iran and a quiz about what McFLY song you might be.

One could argue that those trends represent three distinct groups of people, but one would be wrong. There is plenty of overlap in those trends. If you follow enough people on Twitter, you'll see plenty of people who tweet both the frivolous and the serious. You'll also see people filling their tweets with nothing but trending topic references and a spam link.

Those people. :)

It's not perfect. But I love that there is this global sampling of people and their interests that is governed almost exclusively by the interest of the audience itself and not just some big-wig's greedy interpretation of it.

Previous: #4 Anyone Can Do It | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #2 Conversation

Things to Like about Twitter: #4 Anyone Can Do It

When I say anyone can Twitter, I don't just mean anyone can have an account or anyone can do it if they really try. I mean anyone can absolutely take over Twitterdom.

Case in point: Ashton Kutcher, aka aplusk. I'm not happy he's using my initials to further his twittermania, but the dude was the quickest to amass 2 million followers.

Yeah, A+K is the reigning king of Twitter. He's no longer Kelso from That '70s Show, The New Bruce Willis, or the dude from Punk'd. Ashton is Mr. Twitter.

So if you don't think you can make Twitter work for you, take a good hard look at who can.

Previous: #5 Mobility | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #3 We, Not They

Things to Like about Twitter: #5 No Computer Necessary

I don't tweet by phone. I don't really text much by phone, either. I use my phone to, you know, call people. I'm old school that way. I just can't see paying $100 a month for service, but what do I know?

For those people who do use the features on their power/smart/mega phones, you'll less-than-3 Twitter. For all the bagazillion things the Internets offer, Twitter is the one that makes the most sense in the translation from PC to phone (okay, maybe it's in a tie with mapping/GPS applications).

Twitter gives you that sense (be it quasi or genuine) of being connected, and the quality of the experience is by no means diminished by the limitations of your phone. It's actually enhanced, because, unlike PC-based functions that require you to be home* on a Friday night to hang with your e-friends, phone Twittering allows you to maintain your virtual network while also enjoying an actual life. You can have your geek and eat out, too.

As for me, I'm still sitting when I'm twitting. But for those of you with lives, take heart. Twitter (and all your techno tweeple) can follow right along.

*or in your dorm room, library, office, or the local Panera where you and your laptop are usually stationed

Previous: #6 twt.fm | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #4 Anyone Can Do It

Things to Like about Twitter: #6 twt.fm

You can accomplish the same effect with blip.fm (with more features, if you're into that, but I like Twitter for the simplicity), but I really like the ability to share music one song at a time with twt.fm. Sometimes you hear the whole thing. Sometimes you hear a :30 clip. But you know what? Sometimes all you need is :30 of MJ to turn your day around.

You're welcome.

Previous: #7 Editing | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #5 No PC Necessary

Things to Like about Twitter: #7 The Return of Editing

If you've had any conversations in the last five years with anyone who has ever taught you anything about language, you've probably heard that person (those people) bemoan the demise of all things literary. The electronic era was supposed to have destroyed the concept of stringing words together by now, but Twitter, I believe, has brought about a resurgence or sorts.

People just don't write anymore. Word processors made everybody lazy, and email made us careless. But texting? It spawned a generation whose typical communications look more like vanity plates than personal messages. The average text message (which is limited to 160 characters, here's why) is devoid of substance and vowels. W00t. L8r. Ttfn.

It wasn't the medium that took meaning from the messages, it was the context. Continuing in email's carelessness, texting is casual. We've all collectively decided our friends aren't worth writing for. But what if our texts suddenly weren't so private? Then we'd have to make sure that somewhere beneath those 160 characters hid a clean pair of underwear and a decently constructed thought.

Enter Twitter.

Limited down to 140 characters to accommodate usernames, tweets are meant to be noticed, to attract, to communicate something personal albeit trivial. To fit in your thought, a link, an @reply, and a #hashtag, you can't just spit out whatever words come to mind. To tweet, one must edit.

Sure, most people simply use shorthand to squeeze their lengthy missives under the 140-character wire. But others actually start eliminating that, nixing the passive voice, and axing frivolous adjectives and adverbs.

The bottom line: every tweep or twitterer must edit. How they do it and how well they do it are totally up to them. But Twitter is teaching texters the value of every letter and inspiring them to text with meaning and purpose.

Let your 6th grade English teacher know there's still hope for the future.

Previous: #8 No Commitment | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #6 twt.fm

Things to Like about Twitter: #8 No Commitment

Fake friends. Everybody on facebook has them. Heck, everybody in the world has them. It's been that way pretty much since the beginning of time. Caesar had Brutus. Hamlet had Rosencrantz and Gildenstern (and vice versa). Heck, even Abel thought Cain was his friend.

Cain: "Hey, Abel, come here for a second, would ya?"

Abel: "Sure, buddy, what's up?"

Cain: "Remember how the serpent told mom, 'You won't surely die,' that one time?"

Abel: "Of course."

Cain: "Yeah, I don't think he meant you."

But these days fake friends don't kill you. At worst, they invite you to send e-Karma to other fake friends or join their "Bring Back Dungeons & Dragons" group. At best, they boost your fake friends statistics and give you links to dancing Jonases in leotards. But for those who aren't totally comfortable with fake friendship and all the emotional fabrication it entails, social networking is just big tangled mess of electronic awkward.

First you have the friend requests you don't want to accept but are afraid to refuse. Then you've got the endless streams of invitations to groups, causes, games, and other. And the "decline" options are always worded to make you feel completely devoid of compassion. "Your fake friend wishes to share this wonderfully joyful application with you. Do you care enough to just click a couple of times?" And then your options are, "Yes, I'm a good person," and "Ignore," "Turn a blind eye to their cry for attention, " "How 'bout a rude gesture, instead," or "I loathe you."

And there's pressure. Pressure to comment on the notes, the links, the statuses, the photos. Pressure to engage in the debates. Pressure to "like" stuff when you just can't think of anything to say. Pressure to wish people happy birthday and thank them all for the pressurized wishes.

Well with Twitter, there's no pressure. Tweets are like dust in the wind. You send 'em out, and the people who notice, notice. The people who don't, don't. Maybe they're more like farts in the wind, now that I think about it. I'll address that subject more in a later post, I'm sure . . . minus the flatulence, hopefully.

And friends on Twitter make casual facebook friends look like Diana Barry and Anne Shirley. Somebody follows you on Twitter, you don't have to follow them. You can, but the pressure is gone. What do they notice? They don't need to know what you're doing, they have Ashton and Demi and Shaq to keep them company. You're too good for me? Huh, well, at least Barack Obama can follow me. Yes he can.

So yeah, I like the no commitment. The no requests. The no groups. The no structure. I can have real Twitter friends. I can have fake Twitter friends. I can have fake Twitter friends who are real Twitter stalkers. It doesn't bother me. It's only 140 characters.

Previous: #9 Hashtags | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #7 Editing

Things to like about Twitter: #9 - Hashtags

What the @#!$ is a hashtag? On Twitteria Lane, it's when you put a # in front of a word to facilitate real-time searching. So this thing I like about Twitter is actually two things.

1. By using a hashtag, you can easily search Twitter for a real-time list of twerps from everyone in the entire land of Twit who is intentionally discussing a topic in installments of fewer than 140 characters. If you want to discuss So You Think You Can Dance, you simply add the #sytycd hashtag to your dia-twibe, and anyone perusing an active search of that topic via Twitter's search feature or TweetDeck or any of the twillions of other Twitter-related applications.

And unlike Facebook or MySpace, you aren't just discussing with your friends, you're tweeting it up with all of Twitter. Everybody is gathered around one giant water cooler.

2. The hashtag also brings more practical usage to yet another rarely used character on the keyboard. For quite awhile, @ was reigning as the otherwise-useless symbol du jour, but # has taken its rightful place among the inner circle.

It's not just pound or number, anymore, baby. Make way for #, the hash master.

Previous: #10 Trends | Follow Me on Twitter | Next: #8 No Commitment

Things to Like about Twitter: #10 Trends

Twitter tracks the most-tweeted topics in twitternity. Today, it's Joe Jonas and his "Single Ladies" dance. I can't even comment other than to say, thank you, Twitter, for this:

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