Idol Eyes: Top 16, the Guys

Why Keith Urban? Shut up, I don't know.

After seeing the remaining guys introduced, the performances seem like a waste of time. It's pretty obvious which two remaining guys need to grab their luggage and get the rock outta here, but where's the fun in that? Let's give the chumps one last chance to inspire my sense of cruelty.

Lee Dewyze
Fireflies? What are you, 12? The quality of his voice has some serious potential, but the quality of his note singing makes me skin want to come off. He finished well. He kinda looks like Elijah Wood on a Snickers diet.
Odds of Going Home: 20 to 1


Alex Lambert
You can't go wrong with Ray LaMontagne, unless you can't sing, and Alex can. I'm so glad he's coming along. He can definitely go further, and I think he definitely will. I really think he's the Allison Iraheta of this season. The cool thing is that he sang Ray without messing up the song or blatantly copying the style. Very nice.
Odds of Going Home: 30 to 1 . . . the crappy guys better find some magic vocal chords


Tim Urban
This is definitely Tim's best performance. And he should go home right now. I see a highly successful career in the Children's Music genre for Tim. He's just so darn deliberate. But his voice sounded much, much better than it has. And Ellen is awesome.
Odds of Going Home: 4 to 1


Andrew Garcia
Alright, the weekly attempt to completely reinvent a song commences. If I hear, "It wasn't as good as 'Straight Up' " one more time, I'm gonna have an aneurysm. For some reason I knew it would be "Genie in a Bottle," when I heard it was a Christina Aguilera song, and for some reason, I really liked it. There's something so Jose Feliciano-y about him. But I'm not entirely sure America will feel the same way. The dude needs to sing a song just plain normal, though. He's basically doing a Jimmy-Fallon-does-Neil-Young routine to random vapid pop songs, and if he keeps it up he might just break music.
Odds of Going Home: 9 to 1


Iron Man
Awesome.

Casey James
One impossibly sexy dude covers another . . . wait, that came out wrong. Keith Urban song, great choice. Holy crap, this dude is good. In this song, he sounds pretty much exactly like Bob Seger. Randy's an idiot. Kara's a fraud. There's no way Casey James is going home.
Odds of Going Home: Didn't you read what I just wrote?


Aaron Kelly
Oh dear. Don't sing a song with lines along the lines of 'When you coming home?' 'I'm already there.' Just a tip. Also, if you're going to sing those songs, try to not suck. When it was low, he was weak. When the song got big, he lost control. His voice is good, but his ability to use it is not coming on stage with him.
Odds of Going Home: Directly proportional to the texting powers of whoever the crap is making Justin Bieber trend on Twitter


Todrick Hall
Dude, just sing the dang Queen song. If you change it, you die. . . . Okay, he's singing the song. The performance had its moments, it started shaky, building, building . . . and then he pulls back at the climax of the song! Why? Dude! Why? Oh, man, I think he did a good job, and probably enough to save his sorry act for another week. But he had a chance to make it great, and he just kinda turned around and chilled for awhile.
Odds of Going Home: 5 to 1 if America has a memory; 10 to 1 if they don't


Michael Lynch
A phenomenal Diana Ross impression to start the song. Outstanding. I honestly don't know what he's singing, but I like it. I think it's his best performance so far, and I definitely think he'll be back. Maxwell, okay, I wondered. Alright, yeah, that was great. Michael's got something about him.
Odds of Going Home: Butter


Quick update: the guys are definitively better than the girls. It's not an enormous gap, but they're clearly better.

Who's going home? Dude, I don't know. Andrew Garcia and Tim Urban