Idol Eyes, The Year They Were Spawned

Baby pictures, aw shucks. This is usually one of my least favorite weeks due to the tendency contestants have of choosing songs they don't really know . . . or absolutely love. Here we go.

Danny Gokey

With a version of "Stand by Me," that I don't remember ever hearing before, but it was good.  I really like this guy, but I'm kind of wondering if we're ever going to hear anything better than what we've seen so far. He just picked a song he can sing and have fun with. And that's great, and it will get him votes. But . . . I don't know. I want to see him challenge himself, and I'm starting to sound like Paula or Kara so I'll move on.

Kris Allen

Okay, everybody knows I don't like him. Why? Because he just strikes me as the type of guy who carefully calculates everything about his image to make girls fall in love with him. It's like he's dressing up like a puppy dog for Halloween. Except it's every day. That's why it causes me no grief to see his surrounded-by-screaming-girls crap-jazz rendition of "All She Wants to Do Is Dance" fall absolutely flat. Once again he's playing a guitar heard by no one. When this song was on the radio, I loved it. He managed to strip away everything I liked about that song, and it died right in front of him. Sadly, it won't matter. He's moving on.

Lil Rounds

I, for one, knew Lil was short for Lilly, and I got very tired of Simon belilling her for her name. But I agreed wholeheartedly with the judges that she is not being true to her identity. However, I think they're giving her terrible advice, or maybe too much advice. She needs to kick back, watch Happy Feet, find her heart song, and sing that.  Or hop in the shower, sing the first song that comes to her mind, and figure out a way to make that song fit into the category of the week. With all this discussion of her name, she's managed to lose it. Be Lil, Lil. You might not get another shot.

Anoop Desai

Anoop is officially the Rex Grossman of American Idol. This week was good Rex, good Anoop, and a great song choice. You can pretty much tell whether Anoop is going to be good before a single note has been sung. If he's hopping around the stage, he's a total goofball. When it's slow, he's really good. Should he sing an upbeat song to mix it up? Why? America doesn't care if he mixes it up. We just don't want him to suck. My wife wants to make sure I mention that Paula's teeth are covered in lipstick.

Scott MacIntyre

See, this is what I hate about this theme and the whole concept that you need to be versatile. If eclectic is your thing, by all means mix it up. But if you're Scott, just sing your song and do your thing. I really like him, and deeply respect his decision to stand and rock behind a guitar you could actually hear. But it was just him playing Guitar Hero in front of America. I hate that song too much to even look up its name. Scott, you should have stuck with the piano, sang some James Taylor . . . I think it's time for you to go.

Allison Iraheta

People aren't voting for Allison because her hair is fuchsia, and that's just wrong. She absolutely rocks. Her "I Can't Make You Love Me" was, admittedly, a bit overwrought (she's 16), but she sings like a bird. A really rocking bird. But not Meghan. I love everything about her, and if she can't leave the bottom three, I'm gonna have a hissy. She doesn't get nearly enough votes, but the judges will absolutely save her, if only for a week.

Matt Giraud

Joey Macintyre did awesome tonight. Seriously, I've been hearing people compare Matt to Justin Timberlake, but I finally realized he's one of the original New Kids on the Block. But that's cool, cuz he made "Part Time Lovers"come alive. That sounded cooler in my head. Yeah . . . um, Matt was great.

Adam Lambert

I switched over from the Cubs game and caught Adam's version of a song I can't remember. I can't remember because the entirety of his performance occurred after the DVR ran out. I mean, three minutes after Idol was supposed to be over, Lambert was beginning his little interview. Clearly, AI was not prepared for a full-on four-judge system. They just take way too long. Simon summed up Adam's slow-downed pool of melancholy by giving him a standing ovation, and I'll second that. But everyone involved with the show should be ashamed of themselves that they let it come to this. In TV, you don't run over. No excuses.

Sadly, I think the bottom three will be Allison, Lil, and Scott. Sorry, it's late, and this is subpar. But hey, even AI reviewers have their off weeks.